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Trust
Why can you not believe me words?
I tell you my secrets. conceal them well
Yet you grow angry with me
Can this last?
I sense the past creepy
Upon us
Why do you not believe me?
Love me...?
Now enraged, burning
A wall builds between us
You wish not to speak with me
This night
Is this enjoyable for you?
Does this show your true self?
Your true untrust with me?
Never should I have told you
You want my secrets
But cannot handle my world
My free spirit
Should we...could we last?
Or will your mistrust break us?
Stay away from me
Until it kills us both
I want to run away
My patience is tested
Only lasting so long
Alluring
A familiar face
And olde soul
A smile
I know that smile
Magickal you
Are
Kind, enchantiing
Flirtacious are
We
How we act
Why do you
Fascinate me so?
Where do I
Know that face?
So much warmth
projecting
There must be something
About you that
I need or sense
Deep within
Perhaps I
Shall become
A pupil
My teacher
Arrived
Agony
My Beloved
You disappeared
We were so close
The ground is
White and grey
The sky is
Cold and unforgiving
My Beloved
Listened into the morn
Happiness was all I felt
Sorrow now fills my eyes
Solitude enveloped me
The tears fall
My Beloved
Oblivious are you now
To my bleeding heart
Everynight i cry
Longing for you
Song of Joy
My Beloved
Pleasure you offere
Lies were you motive
Sex and misery
All I can feel
Echoing in me
My Beloved
Your face
Flashes through
My being
The God of Lies
The power you
Hold over me
My Beloved
Your dagger
In my side
Bleeding alone
Plae and wounded
Stepped out of
The Darkness
the Light killed
Poem by Justin W. A friend of mine
I Point to the north
Feel the presence of the south
Wind of the East
Leans forward the
Times of the west
Walking thru and thru but finding nothing there
Holding my life in a stare
Living the truth is no longer there
When we see the true colors of life will we know the meaning of this device
What is there to find when we seek for nothing more
Living life is no longer more
Holding a candle burn to the hand a drip of wax seeps thru the land
Lighting the incensce of my thoughts smelling the memories which once lost
Seeking the truth but only finding lies for which brings tears to my eyes
Empty
I wander around my town
Completely isolated from my love
This body has no feeling
No emotion
Today who I anger matters not
I cannot look at myself anymore
Without conjuring up empathy
The portion of my being
That made me complete
Has disappeared
Leave him! Forget him!
That is all I hear
Echoes constantly through my mind
I love my kindred
I cannot just forget our relationship
I remember meeting him
How enjoyable it was
To get to know one another
All the places we visited
I shall never forget the feelings
I had when I saw him
This day presses on
My eyes and body exhausted
From the trauma that fills
My thoughts for the past five days
It seems ages since I have
Witnessed even a breath of my beloved's
I pray this is all a test
A sick test
To Turn
Once and always
I wish to see
My world, to awaken
To new life
An eternal one
Which was created
For I alone
To see my universe
As important
Things not the same
To turn, to change
Would bore me
A new beginning
Awaken
My blood, that of an immortal
Altaring my existence for eternity
Thru my eyes, my world shines
Discovering new objects worthy
Of attention, forgotten by mortals
The blood, new life
My Lord has given me
Exilled me from my friends
Yet closer to him
He took my life and gave me
Part of his
I was given this blood
He forced me to drink
United, are we, for eternity
Promised by a Vampyre's Right
A Poem By My Friend Jeremy
As I lay, I think of you
I fall asleep, dream of you
You were there in my dreams
Almost reality, so it seems
We were in a garden, you and me
Wandering through the greenery
Surrounded by flowers, trees and leaves
What a pleasure this feeling gives
Then at night we cuddle up
Warm each other with all our love
As the day breaks at the crack of dawn
We caress the bright warm sun
You and I will always be free
All to ourselves for all eternity
We were blessed by the sky above
And enshrined by land with our love
Alas the time came to set you free
I, left alone, nobody pities me
The dream ended so very abruptly
I awake from my dream, oh pity me
Hate
I cry
Long, sympathy not wanted
My eyes
Can finally see the true you
I cute
Blood shinning in my eyes
My heart
Severed but not forgotten
I scream
Pain, I feel, is my only escape
My soul
Torn and brealy legable
I lay
Here in the darkness
My candle
Black as the midnight sky
I stare
Nothingness sets upon my sight
My fingers
Quiver in all the confusion
I understand
Souls, do precious
My body
Still feeling his touch
I close my eyes
I pray for a way out
My head
Heavy with hate and disgust
I feel
Tension growing in my sould
Because of haate for my kin
Pain
Heart aches
Veins shake
Fingers pulse
Legs numb
Eyes burning
Lungs barely alive
Hands quivering
Nose running
Lips soar
Body yerns for his touch
Lastnight
For one hour
We were together
That time flew by
Weeping
Once apart
Forced by my mother
She will pay
For our seperation
Father
Locked me away from my world
He will pay
For our seperation
Brother
Told of my treason
He will pay
For our seperation
My love
We will be together
Once I take care
Of the bridges in our way
His Touch
Together atlast
Alone
We hold
One another
Close
Trembling from
Anxiousness
His kiss
Reassuring and pure
Tonight we are
One
At last we
Can show out
True feelings
To the highest
Level
Slowly
We merge
He fills my
Mind and body
I am oblivious
To the world
Around us
He wraps his arms
Around me
My legs
Around him
Tonight we
Will never
Forget
His touch is
Bittersweet
The disintergrating mind of a freak By PinHeadofMisery
Hated life that i live, bad luck, misfortune, whatever you may call it, i know it plagues my life like the darkness that lives inside of me
Numb to feelings, how can life expect to treat me like this and not create a monster in the process
The inner turmoil inside, the struggle between what i was, what i am, and what is being created
Can this dying creature last another day in darkness and hell?
The light at the end of the tunnel only turns into darkness in my mind
How many times can i ask what the hell did i do to deserve all of this. is it really my fault?
Just want to close my eyes and make it all go away
Wish i could believe in all that is good, but i can't when all i live in is bad
It's to late to save me from myself, its to late to make it all go away, its to late to even care
Can't wait till the end, can't wait till there's no more pain, can't wait till i can't be hurt by anybody again. misery ended, true freedom obtained
But i am only a statistic, a pitiful anonymous, a creature without a sense of purpose
Sick world who spawned me, am i created only for your amusement
Do i not have a say in what happens to me? guess not
But know that my hatred of you can only grow
The more pain you inflict, the more i will hate you
Do you doubt the true pain that lives inside me, then take a look at my wrist, external proof of the sickness you implanted inside of me that is destroying me
I'm always ready to die, but your killing me inside
Slowly torturing the life out of me
I don't want anything from you, this life is never, ever sweet
No one hears my screams or silent crys
Should i take a chance to live another day, is it really worth it?
Do i even need a reason to die
Somebody tell me i'm ok, tell me i'm normal, tell me this is all just a bad nightmare that i'm soon to awaken from
But all i hear is the echoing sound in my ear
there's nobody in this critical hour, in this valley of decision, and in this moment of isolation, true insanity is embraced. death is obtained, life ended before its time, i can't be blamed
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My Past
When we talk
In the early
Morn
My mind
Filled with
Memories
Pictures, gestures
From that day
We were together
Alone
He held me close
Protecting me
Not wanting to
Let me go
His strength
I felt
Enveloping me
For that moment
I felt safe, content
Accepted
This was the days
We had
My Blood
Eyes in pain
Body shivering
I feel
My soul has gone
I write this
Mind wandering
Towards thoughts of death
Pain
Disgust
Anger
Hatred
Slowly
Carefully I pikc it up
Shinning in my eyes
Finally
It will go away
Silently
Towards my room
Breaking it in two
Pulling up my sleeves
Wrists tempting
Quickly
I slice!
Tension gone
Focus on the blood
Watch it steadily
This wound
Oozing so slowly
Dripping down to the floor
At last a way out
Destruction
I watch in
Silence
The destruction
Around me, enveloping
My world
No one tries
Nor notices
Our existence
Is a waste!
We are given
A gift and with
That gift
Exploit the
Only known
Source of
Life
This species
Called Human
Should not
Have been created
We must always
Control everything
Around us
Everything is
Falling apart, disappearing
My love is gone eternally
I respect none of you
Why should I?
All you creatures
Know is hate, prejudice
You think your lives are
Full of horror and pain
PLEASE!
You have no fucking
Idea what it feels
like
Try it, try to be me
To deal with all
This shit
O well
Your time is over
Kiss your Love's
Good bye
I observe the
Destruction of our Mother
We she weeps
At our stupidity
Let me guess...
You say it is not
Your fault!
I do what I can!
Bull shit
If you did
You would not
Buy food developed
In a lab, or make up that
Blinded a dog, rabbit
Think about it and get back to me
Save Me
Please!
Help me
Isolation will be
My death
Save my soul, I can feel nothing but pain
Inside my inner fire dwells near an end
All feeling and sympathy for others is
Nonexistant
I need not anyone right now
Loneliness is what I want
Leave me
I fear the others around me
My shield has failed
I only wish for death
Kill me!
I do not need nor can I handle anymore
Pain
He promised me that he would love me
Always
I trusted him....I still do
Please save my tortured soul
Trapped in this lifeless body
Before
Never in my life have
I felt so alone
My beloved had before
Without harming me
I fear for days
That seemed to drag
On into ages
Isolation is what
I crave yet I
Do not want to be alone
Weeping around my friends
They try to sympathize
But empathy I am sure
Is what they offer
My beloved ignored
My existence
He still does now
I long for his kiss
His breath upon
My skin
His touch
hopefully he will
Come back to me
Yet waiting feels
like an eternity
My self esteem
Below sea level
Depression has started
With him and spread
Like a disease
He is a disease
Infectiong myself as well
Time will hopefully
Keep us together
Either way he is my love
The Dawn
Before the sun arose
I hear the movement around me
Before my family awakens
I creep to my phone
A number to call
To listen to my love's voice
So sweet and tempting
How I miss him so
We talk for about an hour
Reunited only in our minds
Together again for real
I will cherish our time
His voice still fresh in my thoughts
How kind he sounds
Sympathy he offers
While we talk, it is not needed
On the morrow
Again I will call
Before the birds stir
I will hear his voice once more
New Beginning
Quickly
I move
Towards
My new
World
So strange
To me, horiffying
Yet enchanting
He takes my hand
This new love of
Mine
His touch
makes me
Tremble
His kiss
Intoxicating
Words
His words
Always ringing in
My ears
His words
Sharp, piercing
Daggers
His words
Make my
Heart ache
His words
Show his
Dark side
His words
Terrify me
His words
Make my
Eyes tear
His words
Cold, shallow
his words
Always echo
Within
My soul
My Dark Lord
You entered my world
Softly, unkowingly
You entered me
Reading my soul
Looking past my shield
You broughtme joy
Lifted my doubt
I found someone
Whos heart longed
For mine as I for theirs
You let my heart decide
Craveshis affection
After him, no one's love
Can compare
His passion for life
Has increased since oue
First meeting
your anger lowered
Happiness in your eyes
Your soul has found its Kindred
Once Again
Once again he has hurt me
Without a cause
My heart aches in its solitude
Time is his release
Loneliness is mine
Leave him be
No interuptions
Thoughts streaming through
My diluted mind
Tell him they say
Show him your pain
NO!
I cannot
He will not care
Nor do I want him to
Through It All
Together we have been through so much
Together our pain injured one anothers hearts
Goether we tested the extremes of ones anger
Together our solitude was and remained invinsible
Together we have seen Hell and looked down
Together we will remain because we have it all
Wonderless
Today is so great
Bull Shit
Everyone loves one another
Fuck That
Society looks out for you
Fuck This
You think your world
Is full of joy
Lies
You believe that shit
They chain your mind with
Fine
Believe
I know the truth
This life of mine
Is full of
Sorrow
Darkness
hate
Death
A Feeling
My senses have awakened
More accurte then ever before
They feel the presence of something
Perhaps unhamen, foreign, unknown to me
Quickly I turn to face behind me, nothing!
How awkward it makes me feel
Almost stalked yet yerning
A need, a craving
Deep within stirs
Controlling my thouhgts
Reading my mind
A male
Almost turned, almost Vampyre
He touches me with his thoughts
I must find him
Every cell in my body hungers for him
My eternal serach has begun
For my Life Mate
Forgiveness
The anger
Between
Him and I
Dangerous
Territory
I entered
Kicked
Him when
He was
Down
His shield
Stronger than
Any metal
Against me
He held it
Strong
I beg
For forgiveness
I did not
Mean to
Make him
Cross
Eventually
He accepts
The pitty
Have gave me
Did not make
Things work
On the morrow
We will
Love one another
My Body
Inside
i worry
Outside is
My shield
The Darkness
I surround
myself with
Envelopes me
For eternity
Put down
In my
Past
Never forgotten
Struggle to
Over come my
Self conciousness
Tearing me up
Eating me alive
like a Cancer
Self made
Slef inflicted
Slowly it
Dies
My torture
Decreasing
Night by
Night
one day
I will
Win
Twilight
I awake
Early alone
I wander
My home
in the
Darkness
Outside
A glow
Of blue
Pale
Enchanting
The dark
Clouds
Covering
The Moon
Barely able
To see
I hear
The restless
Movement
Surrounding me
Healing Aura PinHead
Drown my sorrow in your love
Let your presence consume me
Take away the sting of pain
Numb me with your healing aura
Lifes misery washed away
United with you through out eternity
As nautral as the tears that flow down my cheeks
You are my anesthetic
Taking away the sadness that lies in my heart
Your voice sounding like the sweetest tune
Hypnotizing me with your words
Peaceful relaxation rains over me
Feeling whole only with you
The scars are healed
Your love still remains
THE GLASS W ALL By PinHead
You who is all alone, in this vast ocean of people
You think what a pathetic life you live but actually your not living at all
The only friends you have are miles and miles away
The only lover you've ever known, you've never touched
It's like living behind a glass wall
With eyes so mournful you see what you can never have, you see what you can never be
It's there but its not there
It mocks you, it taunts you
The thing you want most, the thing most of us want, namely acceptance is just too far out of reach for you
As much as you try to pretend your on the other side, your still left with the empty black hole in your soul that reinforces your isolation
After a while you start to doubt your own existence
You beg for some sign to know that your alive
Day in and day out you live like a ghost
Locked away from all evolution sought to create in mankind
Watch me as i slowly turn into a freak
It's not a surprise that i'm different
That i handle my pain in different ways
I'm the product of your by-product
A pitiful anonymous who finds solace only in his sweet dreams of being normal, of being like the people on the other side of this glass wall
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Let You Fall
I feel your body
Your skin more
Noticable
Your heart
Echoing in my
Thoughts
I feel your
Warm embrace
Whispering
"Enter my World
Of Temptation"
I need your
Blood
I kiss you from
Your feet to
Your open mouth
I bite your neck
You tremble
Collapsing to
The floor
Earth catches
You
I kneel beside
Your vulnerable
Body
I laugh
Glaubst du
Meine lugen?
Child of the Darkness
Am I
You weep not
In vain
You crave me, more
I deny you,
Your wishes
Leaving you
Pale and wounded
Welcome to
The night
My Prey
Deep
Safe
Inside
He
Keeps
It
Secrets
Traits
He
Has
Till I'm ready
I must wait
Says heNo
Pushing
Can
Help
Time
Will
Tell
I
Can
Wait for his
hidden side to
Reveal
Seen
his
Dark
Side
Before
It
Only
Takes
Time
My Voice
Nothing makes me feel the
Way I do after talking
To thee
Your words give me something
To hold on to all day
I wait for your osul to
Calm and begin to speak to
Me
I know I cause your pain
And aggrivate you for days
On end
My voice, it seems, hurts you
In some way that you desert
Me
I do not know why or how
It stabs you, my words soft
I shall ask what it is
That bothers you so early
In the morn
Tell me my Dark Lord
So i do not condem you for all
Eternity
What Is Love? By my friend Justin
Love is a feeling
That whisks your sould away
It is powerful yet so breathtaking
It is irresitible to ones passion
You have to hold onto it for dear life
Or else it will be gon in seconds
That tingly feeling in ones body
That smirk always on your face
Is what you must face in order
To feel that serentiy for eternity
Imagine holding that love
Close to the heart forever?
How that must feel
Why do you feel that way?
Are you longing for more love?
Is this what you really want to feel
Or is it just an escape from being lonely?
Love, look at it as if
It were a strong word to oneself
Look at it as if it can never be lost
Or taken away ever ever and ever
Just think of what it means to you
And think that through out your
Precious ever-lasting long lifetime
That ever-lasting love will never fade away
As long as you hold onto it
Always There
A razor
Perfect for
The task
Always sharp
Never dull
Slices well
Steadily I
Hold it
Against me
Veins looking
So ripe
Just once
Parallel ti
My skin
Doubting fear
Savouring this
Deep wound
Perfect depth
I found
What I
Wanted
Caertainty
Of
Pain
Close your
Eyes, tears
Not wanted
Smearing the
Dripping blood
Down my arm
Over
And
Over
Thought I
Found a
Release
A flicker
Of hope
Blown out
My senses
Lost, no
Risks
I let go
Of life but
Not my weapon
Wonderful feeling
Reality gone
I am free
I watch
The blood
Fall off me
Loneliness
Caused me
To do this
What happened
To me?
I was pushed
Pushed over
The edge of
These walls
They will
Never save
Me
Never....
Save.....
Me.....
Life
Back into
Normal routine
Everyone is
The same
All but
Me
Oblivious to
My cries
My wrists
Once they
Know they
Do not
Care
No one
Knows my
Pain nor
Do they
Try to
Help
My screams
Are oblivious
To all
Help not
Wanted by
Those who
Try
Just learn
To deal
With the
Pain till
We speak
Again
Healing Soul
My mind
Clouded
My wrists
Mending
My eyes
Clearing
My body
Shaking
My lips
Soft
Finally my soul
Has begun to
Heal
The pain still
Resides in
My thoughts
The anger
Still hung
Inside me
Disgust still
Angers me
Deeply
The torture
I endured
Has severed
Me completely
No on can
Help my
Sullen spell
Never will
The hate
Leave me
Within
I feel
My love
His watchful
Eye
On me
Eternally
Posessive
Dominant
His woman
He calls
Me
Bringing
Butterflies
In my soul
I feel
his calling
To make
Sure I am
Safe
Loneliness
Is broken
Even in
My bedroom
Hidden from
This world
We are
United
Eternally
In our minds
He is
The man I
See when I
Bring joy
To myself
Another Day
Everyone sees
A beautiful day
Flowers
Candy
Hearts
O joy!
Depression
Is how I
Feel
For I cannot
See my beloved
My heart
Is black
On this
Day of Agony
A heart
With a
Dager inserted
Deeply
Watching the
Blood drip
My eyes
Burning
Everything
Joyful
The anger
I must
Keep inside
Deeply
Imbedded
In my Soul
Tomorrow
I shed
My Darkness
once more
Among the
Humans around
Me
More poems by Justin
Shifting and turning twisting away Mind and thoughts have their own way Remebering the things that i wish to say to the one that has brung me to this day Hoping and wishing to this year Thoughts i wonder brings me to tears Whispering thoughts spin my mind Just waiting for the right time To live my life as i do with true love to pay me a due
Wondering SPirits Lost sopuls floating away how our lives have withered away Many things I iwish i have done but will my life be as one Living with fear and hope that one day a light will shine my way Dawning a new day of life in everyway Listening and learning how to live is my soul is which i must give Life is a circle twisting about but where do lives meet to sort about My questions unansewered with thought of wondering why We will meet again in the great blue sky
The Inner Circle of Self More From PinHead
Tortured soul that i am in the shadowy presence of death.
Hell is but the endless nightmare that i live.
Seen thorugh the eyes of misery as my mind disintergrates into nothing
The pain causes a monster, vicious and evil
The breaking point of sanity brings about the dwelling place of the damned
Freakish monster created by the endless pulsations of pain
Mind breaks, soul shatters
What becomes of this shell of a man shocked beyond any horror that has been seen
Unable to move cause the visions bring about rigormortis of the mind
Morbid beauty, what a sight you are to those piercing eyes, those eyes that see only disgust in your transformation
You are forever locked inside, freedom will never be a reality to you
Twisted existence, you are the puppet and it is the puppeteer
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